Today one of the engineers from the RCR came to oversee me servicing my boat engine. An exciting day. When we took off the floorboards of the engine room to reveal the engine, the first thing I noticed was a pool of oily water under the engine, ruining my cleaning efforts from a couple of weeks ago. “I think I might have an oil leak,” I casually remarked.
The engineer did a little investigation, shaking engine structures that definitely did not look like they should be shakeable. And the reason they were in their current non-stable state, and the reason my engine was spitting oil everywhere, was that there were five broken or missing bolts on the engine. There is a flipping hole in my engine (which apparently looks like it has been there for some time). I didn’t realise you could get holes in the engine. Turns out, there are far more places in a boat you can get holes that I ever thought.
So let’s recap the holes in Double Fracture so far.
At number 1, the most recent find, the hole in the engine. This hole likes to spray the engine room with oil and make a see-saw out of the alternator bracket.
At number 2, another recent find, the hole in the stove collar. This is the hole most likely to cause carbon monoxide poisoning (though I’ve been told the physics involved means that once the chimney heats up then it won’t really leak any more fumes than the door, as all the gases will be drawn up and bypass a hole that low). This is also the hole most likely to be given a cheap fix with gauze and boat silly putty.
Hole number 3: the most expensive hole so far. The hole in the calorifier, which caused the second cessation of running water on the boat. However, it did give me a greater understanding of how my hot water works on the boat so wasn’t all bad.
Hole number 4: the hole in the floor I made myself on the advice of the CanalWorld forumites. Definitely my favourite hole of the lot, and now comes with its own wooden spoon.
And finally hole number 5: the water pump. That was back in the days when I still took running water for granted, and assumed that the only thing a leak was proof of was a sinking boat (let’s hope I never write a blogpost in which that’s part of a list). Water-pump-gate knocked out my taps for at least six weeks, but it gave me an enormous sense of wellbeing to fix the problem (almost) by myself.
This blogpost was brought to you (appropriately) by ‘Holes‘ by Passenger.