I had assumed that my next abode after the boat would be a windmill or, if I hankered after a coastal view, a lighthouse. (The latter also has the advantage of giving me bizarre experiences in the manner of ‘Round the twist‘. For those of you unacquainted with the show, it is an Australian reality TV programme from my childhood, accurately depicting day-to-day life in a lighthouse.). Yes, I was determined to one day swap my long, thin home for a tall, thin home. Until I saw the Rightmove advert for Radford Manor.
This house is notable for various reasons – it was apparently built (in part at least) by the same man who built Nottingham Castle, it has a beautiful attic room and a roof terrace. And it has a cave.
IT HAS A CAVE.
I need to live in a house with a cave. So I made an appointment to look round, and started to tentatively ask around for potential investors. (My parents. They politely declined.) I came up with an elaborate backstory as to why I would be after a six-bedroom house, and was a little disappointed when the owner didn’t ask me at all about my purchasing capability. (But also relieved. I might have felt guilty about the lie, or potentially wasting his time if my non-existent investors fell through.)
The house was as exciting in the flesh (in the bricks and plaster?) as it was on the Internet. The shower was also a sauna, and the cellar kitchen had a double bed in one of the alcoves (just in case all that cooking wore you out. Or you couldn’t be bothered to go up a few flights of stairs to get to a bedroom). There was a well, but it was only about 6 inches deep. I will be digging that out, so I have my own water supply in case of a zombie apocalypse.
And then there was the cave. Or should I say caves. A whole complex of caves for revelling, ghost hunting and indoor picnics. For hide and seek if you had the nerve for it. For decorating with candles and fairy lights in one of my more girly moments.
The downsides then. It’s a bit crumbly round the edges and would need a lot of work (though ideal for developing my rudimentary DIY skills). I don’t think I could sleep there at night without at least 5 other people as it’s just so big. It’s expensive for Radford, and according to the mortgage calculator, even if I sold my boat, I would need two other midwives on board to get a sufficient mortgage with our combined incomes.
And I don’t want to sell my boat. Not even to buy a cave. I had better look after my increasingly achey body as I think I will be clambering around Double Fracture for a long time to come.
This blogpost was brought to you by ‘Supermassive Black Hole‘ by Muse.
adventures on narrowboats 